


Hold Me Until I'm Whole Again

by ghoulshuu



Series: 2015 Giveaway [3]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Cuddles, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 14:31:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4923211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghoulshuu/pseuds/ghoulshuu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaneki calls Hide at one in the morning, lonely and choking back tears. Did he really not expect Hide to show up at his front door?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Me Until I'm Whole Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sunflower_crown](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_crown/gifts).



“Hide… you didn’t have to do this.” Kaneki was leaning against a partially open door, the chain still connected and keeping it from opening more than a few inches.

Hide was jammed on the other side, as if trying to wedge his way in through the crack. “Come on. Let me in. You can’t call me at one a.m. and expect me not to haul ass to be here.”

“You didn’t have to.” Kaneki mumbled again.

“Please.” Hide said. “I’m already here and I can see your eyes are red.” His hand sneaked through and caressed Kaneki’s cheek, finding it still damp from his tears.

Kaneki squeezed his eyes shut at the feeling and sighed. “Okay.”

Hide stepped back and let Kaneki close the door to unlatch it. It opened with a small creak. Hide walked in, immediately taking Kaneki into his arms.

Kaneki felt stiff, like he was all coiled up. Hide knew he was fighting to keep in control and not burst into tears. As Hide stoked his hand up and down his spine, he felt Kaneki begin to relax. He pressed his face into the crook of Hide’s shoulder and neck, inhaling deeply.

But he pulled away quickly, giving Hide what he knew was a fake smile. “We should go to sleep now…”

Hide frowned, catching hold of Kaneki’s hands and giving them a tight squeeze. “So you can stare at the wall and cry while I snore?”

Kaneki opened his mouth. Shut it. He stared off into the kitchen so he wouldn’t have to meet Hide’s eyes.

“Why do you have to be so stubborn…?” Hide moved to cradle Kaneki’s cheeks. As he traced his thumbs across Kaneki’s cheekbones, he saw his lips give a telltale tremble. “You don’t have to feel guilty.” He said, “About wanting me here. About wanting my help. Please stop pushing me away. Let me help you. Let me hold you. I don’t want you to feel alone. If you need me, I’ll be here. Always. At any time.”

“But Hide… I shouldn’t… It’s been so long… I still shouldn’t.” A few tears escaped Kaneki as he mumbled on thickly.

“It was your mom again, then?” Hide asked the question carefully as Kaneki leaned against him.

Kaneki nodded slowly, his hair tickling Hide’s neck as he returned his face to his shoulder. He sought Hide’s warmth and embrace, his delicate body shaking as his shoulders hunched inward. Hide wrapped his arms around his body, encircling him in a tight hug.

“That’s okay,” Hide assured. “Everyone grieves differently, Kaneki. I know how important she was to you. You can take as long as you need. I’m never going to judge you for that.”

Kaneki swallowed, nodding again. “…I dreamed she was here.” He went quiet for a while, then laughed humourlessly. “The dream felt real, so _normal_. She was crouched over her desk as she usually was and I was in the corner reading.” Kaneki nudged Hide’s shoulder with his forehead, exhaling shakily. “It wasn’t anything spectacular. It wasn’t really anything… but it just felt so _right_ and when I woke up… it took me a few seconds to realize she was no longer here.” Kaneki choked a sob and Hide hummed, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

Kaneki didn’t say anything else, sobbing quietly and wetting Hide’s shirt with his tears. They stood there motionless by the front door, gently swaying back and forth.

“Is there anything I can do?” Hide whispered next to Kaneki’s ear.

He shook his head. “Just… this.”

“Okay.”

It took a while for Kaneki to calm, for his tears to run dry and for his cries to quiet. Hide held him tight the whole time until Kaneki hesitantly pulled back.

“…Thank you.”

“Anytime.” Hide kissed Kaneki’s red nose. “You know that.”

For the first time that night, Kaneki gave him a real smile. Even if it was sad, with swollen eyes and a red face, Hide was happy to see him show some sign of hope.

“Now, come here.” Hide grinned. “I need to cuddle you and show how much I love you.” He tilted Kaneki’s head up and nuzzled his neck.

“ _Hide!_ ” Kaneki laughed silently and squirmed. “That tickles!”

“Hmmm.” Hide moved up to Kaneki’s jaw, planting kisses, and then, “ _Nom.”_ Hide opened his mouth wide and bit down, just barely touching Kaneki’s skin with his teeth.

“Silly.” Kaneki muttered, pressing an index finger to Hide’s forehead to dislodge him. “You slobbered all over me.”

“Yep.” Hide took the sleeve of his sweater and dried Kaneki’s face for him, taking a second to remove the last dots of tears from the corners of his eyes. “Better?”

Kaneki sighed and shut his eyes. “Really… thank you.”

Hide lifted Kaneki’s chin and pressed their lips together softly a few times, breaking away to let Kaneki catch his breath. “Would you like to go to sleep now?”

“Yeah.” Kaneki and Hide’s hips brushed as Hide threw an arm over his shoulder. They collapsed into bed, Kaneki blinking slowly and exhausted from crying. The little kisses Hide was giving him made him only more tired. The sense of security and the feeling of comfort made his eyes slide shut.

Kaneki’s breathing slowed until he was half-asleep, hands clasped in front of his chest. He shuffled around slowly, turning his back to Hide, who shifted forward to hug him from behind. Kaneki was pliable, letting Hide slid his arm under his head after stealing one of his pillows. Hide wrapped an arm around Kaneki’s abdomen, holding him. Kaneki took that hand with his own, winding their fingers together.

Kaneki fell asleep soon after, with Hide’s face pressed against his neck and his exhales tickling his ear. Hide was warm behind him, like a space heater, as always.

Hide pulled the blankets over them, careful not to jostle Kaneki too much and awake him before returning to his previous position.

Kaneki looked happy, a slight smile on his peaceful face as he slept.

“Goodnight, Ken.” Hide kissed the back of Kaneki’s neck, then closed his eyes as well.


End file.
